Well, well, well—look at Joe D’Amico over there. It’s Christmastime, but he doesn’t want the gift of money. He doesn’t want any gift, actually—especially anything that requires his little special someone to go “running around chasin’ all those things that we don’t need.” Why? Because he’s got LOVE—and who needs silly material possessions packaged in goofy wrapping paper and stuck beneath a slowly dying pine tree when you’ve got love in your heart, amirite? Ah yes, such heartwarming selflessness truly is the spirit of Christmas. Well, Joe, it’s really nice of you to wish that all of us lost, lonely souls will also find the same kind of love you have this Christmas. But, you know, a handful of Xbox Live points or a sweet vintage copy of the Return Of The Jedi: Battle At Sarlacc’s Pit board game would go just as far in terms of filling the cold, empty void where our hearts should be. Hell, I’d even settle for a nice pair of Christmas socks.
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